Sex in the City
by talking cockerel
Summary: Is there absolutely no privacy to be had in the bustling world of business and commerce? Kaname is tired and fed up of avoiding snooping busybodies, and decides, quite literally, to have sex – in the city. Kaname/Zero
1. Chapter 1

Is there absolutely no privacy to be had in the bustling world of business and commerce? Kaname is tired and fed up of avoiding snooping busybodies, and decide, quite literally, to have sex – in the city. Kaname Zero.

* * *

"Zero."

"Mm?"

They were in a café, some hideous rendition of an eating house known as the "Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf," and Zero was gorging on his iced latte and lagasana like there was no tomorrow.

Zero looked up, and paused in mid shovel.

Uh oh. He recognized that look.

"Kaname, you can't not here."

"Why not?"

"Look, I'm – I'm. I'm still hungry."

"I'm hungry too. And for something I want now."

"But – Kaname! They don't – _sell that kind of stuff here!_" that last phrase was hissed in a scandalized tone.

"Oh, what I want isn't for sale. It belongs to me already."

Pale violet eyes narrowed, chewed up tomato pasta disappeared down a swan pale throat that, at the moment, was being intensely scrutinized.

"Now just see here, Kuran -"

"See what?"

Zero huffed in exasperation, then grabbed Kaname's hand worriedly. His eyes were already going blotchy red color. _Blood tablets, blood tablets, why oh why did I leave them in my wallet?_

"I was pickpocketed, damn Manhattan street thug, I -"

"Who said anything about blood tablets?"

Zero blinked. What in the world?

"Well, you were looking at the tomatoes on my lagsana, and I thought –"

"Zero. It displeases me to have anything else entering your mouth so quickly –"

Oh. Sweet karma, not blood then. Something else.

"Look, you can't. You're wearing – that – " Zero gestured at Kaname's expensive business attire, " – you're – here –" he waved a hand at the café patrons, all already intrigued by the presence of an "upper class" foreigner in a "middle class" establishment, but Zero was bored of fancy restaurants, " – we are supposed to be _civilized_!"

Kaname remained silent, thank goodness. At least Zero could still command that with his infamous death glare. Stars above, but the pureblood was talented at picking the perfect places to throw a tantrum.

Satisfied that he had Kaname cowed – for the time being, anyway – Zero raised his cup and tipped the remains of the ice blended coffee down his throat. He sighed with pleasure at the cool and soothing aroma.

Wrong move.

There was a sharp tug at his neck, and Zero was yanked forward by his tie, half sprawled on the table. The plate of lagsana clattered to the floor and customers cried out in surprise and distress.

"Kaname! Not here -" Zero scrambled to his knees, trying to get off the table.

"Here." Kaname's eyes were scarlet and fully dilated.

"Now."

He stood up and kissed Zero, a harsh violent kiss that was all fangs and tongue and demanding lips.

Zero groaned something, pushing at Kaname. It was useless. The pureblood held him tightly. The boy twisted and stuggled and managed to slide off the table, one arm flailing wildly for balance.

The customers were dumbfounded at such a public display of affection.

The first step was taken, and the second followed naturally. Long hands slid under Zero's shirt, feeling his taut body slick with uneasy perspiration, then down into his pants. Zero pulled weakly at them, _the useless idiot, NOT in public!! _And only seemed to provoke Kaname even more, if the impatient growling could be judged.

It was the sound of clinking metal that broke him out of his reverie. His belt and pants were being unbuckled and unbuttoned. That was the last straw, and Zero kneed Kaname violently in the stomach. The pureblood released him in surprise.

"You stupid, stubborn, pot bellied, skull headed, uncivilized – hooligan! Couldn't you have waited till we reached the hotel?" His face was flaming red. Too late, he realized he had yelled out the insults in a very quite place.

There was some shocked gasps, a few audible murmurs of disgust. But then, this being America, and New York City, a couple of teenagers whooped and cat called.

"You go, mah brudder!"

"One up for the queers, yo!"

"Sir, I am sorry to inform you that obscene displays of affection are strictly prohibited in this café!" that one from a waitress, primly attired.

Kaname looked at her for awhile, but held back his annoyance.

"I'm sorry, miss." His voice was polished and polite but soft. He pulled out a pair of hundred dollar bills and laid them on the table, without even looking at it. "For the trouble." He inclined his head politely, then turned to Zero, who was studying his feet intently as he did up his pants and straightened his shirt.

"Oh, leave it," he said to Zero, and pulled him towards the exit.

"Kaname!" Zero yelped angrily.

"How far is our hotel again?"

"Just around - "

"No, that's too far, look, there's only three people here, let's go in -"

And, from behind glass doors and over the rumble of evening traffic, a high pitched wail of horror,

"This is a friggin' bank!"

END

* * *

How was it? Review review review, and I just might continue!

For my other Kaname/Zero stories, check out my profile page

ps, can anyone tell me how to disable / enable anonymous reviews?

-talking cockeral


	2. Chapter 2

Sex in the city

* * *

The couple lay side by side on a long mahogany table, thoroughly spent.

An air conditioned breeze raised hairs on Zero's bare stomach, still beading with sweat from their previous exertions.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale again.

No exhalation.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" the exhalation.

Zero bolted upright, to pick up on where he had left off after Kaname had given him one of those protest-free and silence-inducing kisses.

"I don't believe it! A bank, Kaname! A bloody bank!"

He paused, thinking, trying to find a way out of this embarrassing situation. Finding none, he continued.

"A marble table topped, granite floored, brass door knobbed, leather armchaired, silk curtained, gold chandeliered, diamond and sculpture decorated - " he racked his brain for more expensive sounding adjectives.

"You forgot glass windows," Kaname offered from his comfortable position on the table, hands pillowing his head and eyes half lidded in satisfaction.

"_Glass windowed?!" _

Zero looked, and sure enough, the windows offered a magnificent, thoroughly transparent view of New York city in its midnight splendour.

"Kaname! Anyone - _anyone - _could have looked out from the next building and – seen – us!"

"Oh, relax. Everyone's probably having a good laugh, watching you make a fuss on that fully functional security camera." Kaname pointed, and the boy whipped his head up, looking an innocent black camera in the lens.

"_Kaname_ – " Zero was ready to pop a vein. This was absolutely ridiculous. How could he recline there so lazily when what little pride they had left was being steadily recorded and removed by a, to quote, "fully functional security camera"?

"This is absolutely ridiculous. How can you recline there so lazily when what little pride I have left is being steadily recorded and removed by a, to quote, "fully functional security camera?" Kaname asked.

Zero shut his mouth, flabbergasted, even though this happened quite often. Kaname "predicted" his words with regularity and surprising accuracy, often just to annoy him.

There was something else that that annoyed Zero more and happened even more frequently – and was in fact happening now.

It would start first with a bored Kaname. Then Frustrated Kaname. Horny Kaname. Raunchy Kaname. Domineering, demanding, and disgustingly sexy Kaname, with nothing but the Pursuance of Thorough Satisfaction, of a rather explicit kind, on his mind. After Attainment of Thorough Satisfaction -

"Relax, Zero. We didn't steal anything, they won't bother us."

"_What?_"

Right on cue, Downright Moronic Kaname.

Well, let Kaname's intelligence be suffocated in his own bliss and pleasure. Zero had more than enough brains for the both of them.

"_You're completely missing the point!_"

Kaname grinned, got off the table, walked to the window, and stretched langorously. In full view of the camera. Right before a floor to ceiling length glass window.

Buck naked.

"_WHAT D'YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"_

Sure, Zero was a sullen, moody introvert, given to monosyllabic and inexpressive grunts.

"_HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DIGNITY?"_

He just rested his powerful lungs for when they were truly needed.

Kaname looked at the boy and smirked.

He made such a perfect picture, violet eyes wide, pale face flushed, jaw sagging in disbelief, hands half raised in exasperation and outrage, legs planted apart –

What on earth. Was that the Horny Kaname expression again?

Keh! Whatever. No way he would allow Kaname to bypass his well deserved "resting phase" this time. Not that he hadn't thoroughly enjoyed his last performance. Hell…another blush rushed across his cheeks, which Kaname didn't miss; he chuckled in a self satisfied manner, and purposefully - _strutted - _away from the windows, toward Zero, until he had backed the silver haired boy against the wall.

Zero held his breath. _Not again. Seriously - _

He was powerless against that sultry, dark eyed gaze melted his resolve so effectively; Kaname held him by his hair, then gave it a hard, playful yank.

He whimpered softly.

Just then, somebody banged on the door.

"This is the NYPD! Open this door immediately or we'll take it down by force!"

Never had Zero wilted like so dried and deprived a flower - that said, it was an effective remedy for his lust.

"We-We're coming out!" Zero managed to croak. "Give us a minute - "

They dressed hurriedly. Kaname threw on pants and a jacket.

"Ok, let's go." Zero threw the torn remains of his shirt in the waste paper basket. Kaname had ruined his clothing, again. All he had left was a scratchy woolen sweater.

He followed Kaname out the door, and found himself face to face with about five men, white, middle aged, with embossed nametags and glossy suede loafers, clutching leather suitcases and sheaves of paper. Another five policemen were present, all shiny badged and blue uniformed. They were rather disconcerted and awkward looking, for this was obviously not a "security problem".

"I apologize for interrupting the meeting," Kaname said smoothly to the bankers, disregarding the policemen. "You can have the room back now. If I have cost any problem or invoked any expense, do send it to my office."

He left them with his name card nonchalantly, as if he had not barged in on a highly confidential meeting, a desire-drunk lover in tow, demanded the participants _leave now, or else, _then proceeded to barricade them outside the room.

His jacket flared open as a he strolled past them, revealing a white expanse of muscular chest. The older men ogled him.

Zero ogled him too, for quite another reason.

"Do you mean to say," he hissed, once they were in the elevator, "that you intruded on a meeting between the bank managers, chased them out, locked ourselves in, and - ?"

Kaname looked right proud of himself.

Zero sighed noisily.

They reached the ground floor, and Zero was back to the silverhaired grouch façade he presented to outsiders. Kaname walked to the receptionist and started asking for something.

A guy soon appeared and passed something to Kaname, he nodded his thanks and gestured Zero to leave.

Kaname held up a black cassette as they walked out the bank. The boy snorted.

"It's the video of us! What are you up to now, making an audio visual collection?"

"Maybe?" Kaname answered teasingly.

Zero snorted. _You won't have enough space to keep them...at the rate you're going..._

"I'll buy a bigger house," Kaname said. "And a superb quality audio visual system, with high tech surround sound speakers and a ceiling height screen," he added. "Maybe I'll even make a movie out of it."

Zero groaned in exasperation. Why did he have to be saddled with, of all things, an arrogant snob of a hornball with _way too much money? _

END

* * *

Thanks for reading! Will there be a third chapter? Hm...depends...(I've got a plot already!) but it depends on how many reviews I get! Where would you all like the next scene to be? XD

Anonymous reviews have been enabled!! I am now in torment over the additional anonymous reviews I could have gotten.

I don't usually write fluffy Kaname/Zero stories, even though they are pretty popular - it doesn't really seem to be in-character for both of them. Ah well. Do see my profile page for more Kaname/Zero!


	3. Chapter 3

Sex in the city, chapter 3

* * *

"We have to! It's New York City Authentic!" Zero had insisted.

And so Kaname, being a kind hearted, good natured pureblood vampire, had agreed.

Zero was queueing up for a hot dog. Kaname was being his usual magnanimous patient self, waiting next to him.

Why anyone would waste their time on a piece of ground up animal carcass in even more ground up plant starch, Kaname had no idea.

Moths eat cloth. Earthworms can subsist on newspapers and other organic material. Cockroaches feast on cables and glue and leather. Peasants scrounge up bits of leftovers from the garbage. These thoughts Kaname politely and considerately kept to himself.

"Zero, it's food for the poor and deprived."

The boy nearly exploded. This had to be Kaname at his worse. Why could he not compromise? Zero readily accompanied Kaname into vampire society, at personal risk, keeping his head and eyes lowered like some sort of servant, to please him. He did it willingly. So why, amongst humans, did the pureblood continue to expect platinum standard treatment, even though they were not vampires?

Zero put on a ferocious scowl and growled everything that had passed his mind out in an undertone. That done, he turned away and decided to ignore him.

And so, three people later found Zero bouncing gleefully on his toes as the hot dog seller squirted generous amounts of ketchup and mustard onto the bun. It was with a belated grimace that he remembered his wallet had been stolen and Kaname paid for it – with a hundred dollar bill.

"Oh, no, sir, I couldn't. That amount of money, you could buy everything I have," the man said. He was a burly African American, poor but neatly dressed, with an open, honest face. "Don't you have smaller notes, sir? I ain't got enough cash to give you change."

"It's alright, keep it," Kaname said, looking as though he was struggling to understand such a small amount of money.

"No sir, I can't. Keep it, that is."

"Right…don't keep it, then…" Kaname smiled gently, pushed the money back to the man. "Use it to give your wife a surprise, or your child, or your mother…a toy, a meal out perhaps? Or a dress?" Kaname led Zero away. The black guy gaped after them.

Zero was so touched by his kindness, he almost forgot to be angry. Then he remembered, and shrugged Kaname off.

"I'm enjoying food for the "poor and deprived". So long, Mr Hoity Toity."

And he deliberately headed for the bench on the opposite side of the road, sprawling on its wooden boards with contentment. No bothersome pureblood to fight for space with, just a whole bench to himself, and a piping hotdog in mustard and ketchup, courtesy of Manhattan…

He inhaled its sharp spicy scent, and sneaked a look at Kaname. Stupid Kuran wasn't even looking at him; he was sitting on the pavement across the road, watching a kid playing in the grass.

Zero bit into the frankfurter, and fragrant juices spurted out and into his mouth. Mmmm!

As a rule, Zero wasn't a pig. He didn't have a weakness for food, not even for sweet things. But meat topped his list, and this…it was good.

He cast a suspicious eye around for the notoriously greedy pigeons of Manhattan. Seeing none, his gaze fell onto Kaname again.

Kaname was looking at the same child, rolling on the ground and crushing bright yellow dandelions. A young woman, a few meters away, kept careful watch over the boy. She was his mother, an auburn haired lass, plain but not unattractive.

There was a loud booming laugh, and Zero turned to see a young man with the same scraggly blonde hair as the toddler approaching the woman and child with an ice cream in each hand.

The toddler shrilled in delight, rubbed grass and dried leaves from his jumper, and leapt up for the ice cream. The man laughed and held it out of reach, the mother hugged her husband from behind, and the kid clambered up his father like a monkey until he dangled precariously on one outstretched arm.

Kaname was watching all this silently, an indecipherable look on his face. Zero could guess what it meant, though. He silently thought through their own situation. Kaname had offered to make use of cryogenic technology to store blood so Zero would not need to depend on Kaname's physical presence…and Zero would be free from the bloodbond. Under those circumstances, Zero could start a normal family, with a weekly "transfusion", and live a normal life with a woman and children.

But Kaname…would he and Yuuki want to have children, knowing that the weight of pureblood royalty would hound their lives as it had hounded their own? Vampire society was so much harsher. And what about between the both of them, not condemned yet stigmatised though it was in most societies for a child to have non-biological parents?

Zero had the sudden urge to cry.

He left his perch on the bench and walked over to Kaname, then knelt down behind him.

Kaname stiffened at the sudden hug he received, and then relaxed when a silver haired mop nuzzled his neck and shoulder.

They remained that way for awhile, Zero with his arms around Kaname, nose to his neck, just inhaling the clean, sudsy scent of hotel soap and dry cleaned clothes.

There was a moment of peaceful pondering as Zero, not given to sentimental statements, wondered what to say. He remembered his earlier insult with a bit of remorse.

"I'm sorry I called you hoity-toity," he mumbled.

Kaname, who was expecting a litany of gruff insults and complaints, was taken aback. The closest thing to "sorry", from Zero, was a grudging silence and lowered head.

"You still smell of food for the poor and deprived," was the first thing that made it out of his confused head.

He really couldn't be blamed for the wrong choice of words; purebloods do have a sense of smell highly attuned to their surroundings. One moment, Kaname was being ticked off by the overpowering scent of mustard and ketchup; the next, he had leapt off the pavement with a yell.

The happy family picnicking on the grass looked up in alarm to see a black haired man hollering in surprise, staggering to keep his balance. Attached to his back, like some sort of cat, was an incensed looking silver haired boy who was – biting? – his shoulder, hands grasping his upper arms and feet balanced on his hips.

"Ooow….ow ow ow…Ow! Ouch!" Kaname yelped as he stumbled slightly.

There were two pairs of canines in his shoulder, ten claws on his thighs and ten more on his chest; it was no wonder his mouth couldn't catch up fast enough to the various points of pain.

With Zero's elbow and knees sticking out in four directions and Kaname's long arms flailing flapping wildly for balance, they looked like a ridiculous walking windmill.

"Will you – ow – quit it? OW!"

Kaname tried pulling Zero's feet off – where were his shoes?? - but the long toes dug in more viciously.

"Serves you right," Zero hissed through the cloth.

"Zero! Lay off!" Kaname hissed back, teeth clenched as he tried to will away the pain.

They hissed angrily to and fro, until a new voice broke them out of their thoughts.

"My mommy says to say, 'Hi!'"

Kaname followed the voice out – down – further down – and saw the child, no higher than his waist, looking up at him with large brown eyes. He registered the kid's parents a few feet behind him, looking at the both of them with something between amusement and disapproval. Up close, they were very young, barely adults; probably in their early twenties.

"Um." Kaname swallowed. He sighed in relief as Zero extricated twenty claws and four teeth and slithered down, and was grateful for his healing ability. It wouldn't do to have blood spewing forth from twenty four holes in front of this little boy.

"Your mom said to say hi?" Kaname parroted blankly, able to register the statement once the pain was gone.

"Yep. I'm Ollie, and I turn four this year," the boy said. He spoke with a child's voice, high and clear, adorably inflected.

"His real name is Oliver Bryan Sparks, Ollie is just his nickname," said the child's mother, coming to put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm Eileen, and this is James Sparks, my boyfriend." The man with messy blonde hair grinned and waved. "I saw you looking at my child and I."

"Kaname Kuran at your service, ma'am. I must apologize, I didn't mean to cause any…alarm, or misunderstanding. You have a very beautiful child," Kaname said sincerely.

"Many people say so…but once they hear about us being unmarried, they don't want their children mixing with Ollie. James and I couldn't care less, but Ollie has few friends at this age."

Eileen ruffled Ollie's hair fondly.

Kaname knelt in front of the child.

"A very good day to you, Ollie Sparks! I'm Kaname, and this is Zero. We can be your friends," Kaname said, offering a hand.

Ollie slid a small, pudgy fingered fist into his.

"I'd like that, but maybe you should be my father and mother's friends instead," the boy said solemnly.

"We can be their friends too," Kaname amended, grinning at the two adults. The child brightened.

"Can I have a piggy back ride too?"

"A piggy back ride?" Kaname parroted blankly, (again. He wasn't too used to children) seeing no similarities between himself, a rider, and a pig's back.

"Ollie!" his mom scolded. "You're getting too big!"

"But he's even bigger!" Ollie pointed at Zero, who towered over him. Only then did Kaname understand what the child wanted. The ex-human, who wasn't that comfortable with strangers, gave a half hearted smile.

"Well, Ollie, I'd love to, but I'm still a stranger, your mom might not like it for me to give you a ride," Kaname explained. "And anyway, I'm sure your dad gives much better piggy, er, rides?"

"Well, if you're taller, doesn't that mean I get to go higher?"

It was true. James was no midget, but Kaname was still taller.

"Please? Mom, please?"

"Ma'am? It would be my pleasure, and I wouldn't let any harm befall him," Kaname said.

"Oh, I suppose it's alright," Eileen gave in ruefully, and Ollie whooped with joy.

"Up, up, up!" he sang, lifting his arms. Kaname laughed and swung him onto his shoulders, cantering off the path while the boy chortled and waved his arms. Before they turned the corner, Kaname could hear Zero and Ollie's parents befriending each other. The last thing he heard before their voices drifted off was Zero's description of him.

"Oh, don't be fooled by his kindness. He's an infernal brat at best, and a worthless sluggard at that – why, he never does his share of the work, leaves me to do the chores - "

Kaname had half a mind to march back and dispel those unbiased words, but the endearing child in his arms had had the pureblood wound around his finger like a kite's string around its reel.

"There! That tree! No, that one's higher!"

While Kaname spent the day toting the child around, climbing trees and crawling into bushes with him, Zero spent his time with Oliver's parents.

"My family's muslim, and technically, I should be, and if James wants to marry, he has to convert. We're holding out for now, and Ollie doesn't mind, but I worry about when he's older, when he has to explain about us to his friends and bear the disgrace of wedlock. He might come to resent us," Eileen said.

Zero remained silent as he thought about their own situation.

"Hey, don't worry…I'm sure you and Kaname are strong enough to figure something out," said Eileen, seeing Zero's brooding look.

Zero snorted stoically.

"Well, he sure doesn't worry. Look at that ruined suit. I'm going to have to dust it down, of course."

James and Eileen laughed at his gloomy expression.

It was a few hours later that a tramp came tottering back with a large wad of cloth in his arms. Zero, James and Eileen paid them no heed, until the tramp flopped down beside them with a happy sigh.

"Argh! You filthy vagabond!" Zero groaned when the blood bond alerted him to the stranger's identity.

"It's me!" Kaname protested, holding out the oversized bundle. Ollie was dosing off in his arms, a happy smile stretched over his chubby cheeks.

James and Eileen accepted their child with a grateful smile. Oliver roused enough to wave goodbye as they parted for the evening, and the family of three left the park.

The setting sun left, in its place, a hue of vermillion streaked with ochre yellow. Kaname said so, and Zero rolled his eyes.

"Fancy someone like you spouting such poetic sentiments. What did you see in that kid anyway? I always find them such trouble."

"He's a beautiful child," Kaname murmured.

"That's something you never were, for sure."

"He has wonderful parents, too."

"Something you'd never be accomplished enough to become."

_I'd like to be a wonderful parent to a beautiful child. _

He did not say it aloud, yet some form of it must have come through the bond and to Zero. The boy pulled Kaname back, until his dark head was resting in his lap.

"What nonsensical notion is cartwheeling through that skull of yours now?" Zero asked, looking down into deep, deep eyes. His fingers combed through Kaname's hair, ridding it of leaves and twigs the untangling the knots there.

Kaname felt himself relaxing and sinking into Zero's skilled ministrations. It was so soothing and comforting, making him feel safe, happy, and relaxed all at once.

The sun set, and the park grew racous with the screeches of cicadas and other nocturnal creatures on the prowl. People packed and left, cars rattled by, and smogs of exhaust spewed into the air.

"I wonder what it's like to have a piggy back ride."

The whisper was so soft, it was lost amidst the commotion of the city.

"Mm? What did you say, Kaname?"

_A fool is he that does not treasure what he has now._

"I said, you're both beautiful and wonderful, Zero."

He reached up and pulled Zero down, placing a slow, chaste kiss on his lips.

"Ah…Kaname…you may not have seen it, but there's a sign which says that park users are to leave this area by eight…there's a performance for "Ballet under the Stars" taking place here…"

" "Ballet under the Stars?" how fitting…that's exactly what we are doing…"

* * *

I have had suggestions, so far, to scenes in a theatre and a public restroom. Any others?

I hope you don't mind that Kaname and Zero are kind of OOC in this story. Zero seems a little gruffer and pettier and Kaname seems more outgoing and kindly than in the manga/anime. However, it's a little hard to fit the original characters into a setting such as this!

Thank you all for reading! I hope you guys have enjoyed it, and don't forget to leave a review! Constructive criticism is always welcome.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : I really really need to thank all of you guys for reading! I'd like to reply to each an every reviewer, but unlike Yengirl (and some others, no doubt), I just dont have the time! So sorry, but do continue reading and reviewing!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Superior. Revered. Untouchable.

Zero Kiriyuu had no doubts at all that these words and others with similar connotations were used by vampires to describe Kaname Kuran on a regular basis, and with good reason too, as they all gave an accurate image of the pureblood prince.

Usually, anyway. If only they could see him now...

Kaname stormed around their hotel room, looking remarkably odd in a shirt, a tie and a jacket. Oh, he was handsome enough, Zero gave him that. It was only – well, not just only, or rather - oh, dash it all. It was just that Kaname wasn't wearing his pants. He looked rather unbalanced, with the jacket short of hiding his modesty, with the lower half of his admirable endowment very much visible. Zero was having a hard time controlling his mirth, as it came erect, and not from desire; Zero had a funny suspicion that that part of Kaname was unaccustomed to direct air-con.

"It's not funny, Zero." The silver haired boy had snickered into his blanket for the umpteenth time, though he had not reckoned that the muffled sound would pass for laughter.

"I was just wheezing, Kuran. The air-con's bad for my throat and lungs."

"Really? I recall that they seemed to work just fine when you screamed for me last night, Kiriyuu."

Zero mumbled something unintelligible, flushing slightly.

"What was that?"

"I said, I did not scream."

"I don't care whether you screamed or shrieked, just get out of bed and help me look!"

But Zero only snuggled deeper into the sheets. Trust Kuran to insist on meeting some business contact during his weekend.

"Just go already. You're going to be late – hey!" Zero protested when Kaname yanked the blankets off and tipped the boy out of the bed. The cool wind raised goosepimples on his naked skin, made fine silver hairs stand on end. Kaname shook out the sheets, inspected them, then replaced them back on the bed, together with Zero.

"Go commando," Zero suggested.

"It's not the discomfort, Zero, but it is rather cold out there. You know how business men are like, despicable deprived dogs that grab hold of a subject won't let it go for ages. If they should happen to see my prized asset on end, one of them might get the wrong idea…and then they'd be too busy being jealous and lecherous to concentrate on the issue at hand, which is me making money out of them, rather than making out with them."

"Besides, nobody leaves their hotel without underwear, you know," Kaname huffed. "Just where did all my boxers go?!" he added in an exasperated yell.

"It's no good to be late," Zero pointed out.

"Better late than laid," Kaname shot back darkly, and Zero smiled. Kaname was very clever with his words when he wanted to be. His lips were even cleverer, though. It could do more than just make noises, it could _do _things. And his tongue… Something stirred in his blood, and Zero raised his head to sneer,

"What are you, some flowered maid with a golden vagina to protect?"

That got him a dirty look.

"Pollen and petals and pretty white lily pads, is that it, Kuran?"

Kaname turned curiously, not because of the catchy alliteration but because Zero was rarely so...openly suggestive. He saw two glowing red eyes peering over the rumpled white peaks of the bed sheets. The area of his face around his eyes was hitched up slightly, as though Zero was grinning into the blankets so Kaname wouldn't see.

"I like flowers well enough, but they aren't going to do much help in restraining…I mean, solving my dilemma here," he quipped in reply, stifling a grin himself. He pulled a chair over and climbed up to look into the top shelf of his cabinet, searching even though he hadn't put any boxers up there; he was sure that Zero got a good look at his "dilemma" from that angle.

"Hm…"

Kaname raised one knee and made to stand on the chair's armrest, and Zero got an eyeful of his lean and corded glutes flexing beneath his jacket. Kaname raised his arms to sweep the cupboard's expanse, and that raised the jacket by a few inches.

There was an audible "hmf!" from Zero, and suddenly Kaname was off the chair and on his back on the bed. Zero was kneeling over him, between his legs and elbows on either side of Kaname.

Kaname gave a crooked grin and sat up. He raised his eyebrows in a playfully.

"Well, well, well. Looks like someone's throat and lungs are ready to function again, huh?"

Zero poked him in the chest with a long finger.

"You don't wear pants in this relationship all the time, Kuran." With that finger he pushed Kaname back down till he was lying on his elbows. "In fact, you can't even find your underpants."

"That's true," Kaname chuckled. "You're gonna have to do something about that."

"I am." Zero tugged Kaname's head forward by the silken black tie. "This would go better around your wrists than your neck."

"You tell me. I'm just the flowered maid trying to protect my golden vagina, only I seem to have lost my underwear along the way."

"And your pants too, remember?" Zero shoved a sharp kneecap between Kaname's legs, grinding there none too gently. Kaname jerked at the contact, then settled down to enjoy the welcome contact.

"Yes, I've lost my pants too. I'm at your mercy here."

"Then what's with that annoyingly cavalier tone?"

"Beg pardon, m'lord. Don't go rough on me," Kaname simpered, raising the hair on Zero's neck. He still had not lost that deranged grin; obviously, all thoughts of the business meeting had been long put aside.

"Why shouldn't I? You're nothing but a tavern wench." Zero yanked on the tie for emphasis, ran the other hand up Kaname's washboard abdomen under his shirt.

"I'm not your common tavern wench, milord. I'm something special," Kaname said, in a falsetto that had Zero choking back revulsion and laughter at the same time. There was a certain breathiness to it that was not faked.

"Well, special or not, you aren't just supposed to lie there and let me do all the work."

"Why not?" Kaname demanded, genuinely surprised. He distinctly remembered Zero lying back and letting him "do all the work" on many, many, (many many many many) occasions. Hadn't Zero been all eager to show him up just moments ago? What with all the metaphorical references to pants?

"Because, Kuran - wench. It reflects poorly on your upbringing, it's almost as if you've really bad manners. You have to show consideration for the other party, see?"

"Don't lecture me on manners, Kiriyuu, when you've just kicked me out of my pants and trespassed on valuable business opportunity time." Old habits were a long time in dying, and it was probably just as well that they fell back into childish bickering instead, which, when done in this position and this level of clothing, aroused them just the same.

"This is a much more serious offense. Whores have been expelled from brothels for failing to register this point – "

Kaname interrupted with a snarl and a vicious slap upside his head.

"You're killing the mood, Kiriyuu!"

"Your falsetto was killing my ears! I asked for a maid, not some screechy cat!"

"Screechy!– _nevermind_. Aren't you going to take care of my 'problem,' Kiriyuu?"

"Nah. I've got my own to attend to, seeing as how you don't have the manners to do so."

"We'd better take care of my dilemma first. It's bigger than yours."

"WHAT! You slimy, horny, self biased git!"

"I'm getting rather impatient, here."

"Far be it for me to pleasure a tavern wrench!" Zero snapped back.

"Beg pardon, m'lord." The 'tavern wrench' was back, only instead of a disgusting falsetto, it was a low sultry purr that rumbled with desire. Kaname shifted his hips, and a hot flush shot up Zero's back as their "problems" clashed with each other.

"Beg for more than pardon, _wench_."

Just then, the telephone rang.

Two messy haired heads turned as one to the bedside table where the telephone continued to intrude cheerfully into their little session.

Before Kaname could stop him, Zero had pressed the "receive" button, and the line was now on a loudspeaker so that they could hear without holding the handset.

"Hello, this is the concierge, is that Mr Kuran?"

"Yes, this is Kaname Kuran speaking." Zero marveled that all hints of seductive ardour had been replaced by a polished, precise decorum in a matter of moments. He himself was still panting.

"Mr Kuran, a monsier DuBoir is here to see you. He says he would like to have the meeting in our conference room instead as your previously agreed on meeting place has come up with a few problems. He is glad to have reached you before you left."

"Of course. Tell him I will see him at the arranged time at the conference room."

"Yes, Mr Kuran."

The phone clicked off, and Zero sighed sadly as Kaname rolled out and stood up.

"Looks like I have no excuse not to go after all," Kaname muttered.

"I should have left the phone," Zero grumbled, hugging the blankets at the spot where Kaname had been lying.

"Hey…"

"What?"

"I still don't have my boxers, and now my dilemma's bigger than ever."

* * *

A/N : Yes, the same problem with OOC-ness. But seeing as how it's fluffy anyway...its bound to be a little off character, right?

I'm sorry I had to cut short the Kaname-uke part, but I'm still kind of "against" it! That said, it was pretty...interesting. Did you like the roleplaying?

REad and REVIEW, please! NO story favouriting and alerting without running off without leaving a review! Or I'll...well.


End file.
